Monday, March 17, 2014

Self-Injury in the News

It was disappointing and heart-wrenching to read this article from today's Austin-American Statesman:

As Austin schools tally nearly 1,000 cases, experts warn of prevalence of ‘self-injury’ among teens 
By Benjamin Wermund - American-Statesman Staff

When Lizzie was in seventh grade, she would use a mechanical pencil to cut her arms and ankles under her desk. Her teachers never noticed.

She would do it to make herself feel numb when she was anxious or when her emotions overwhelmed her. It became an addiction that Lizzie, now a high school student, is still fighting.

Health officials say self-injury — cutting, hitting, burning, bruising or otherwise hurting oneself to relieve stress or anxiety — frequently stems from underlying emotional or psychiatric problems, such as bipolar disorder or post-traumatic stress disorder.
It is an often misunderstood problem that is more widespread than parents might think.
The Austin school district last year began tracking when students tell counselors or teachers that they are cutting or hurting themselves, and it has tallied nearly 1,000 such reports so far.

“When I got those numbers, I was alarmed,” said Dianna Groves, a crisis counseling coordinator at the district who started the program. “For many years we’ve known it’s high, but the last two or three years we started paying more attention to it.”
Health officials say self-injury isn’t a fad: for decades, it has been something teenagers and preteens have seen their friends and classmates doing, and some try it, not realizing that it can become addictive or that it can be a precursor to suicide.

“Self-injury is a really powerful punch — this is a lot more than people are bargaining for when they start,” said Linda Spielman, a nationally known expert and counselor at Dialectical Behavior Therapy Associates of Austin, who has worked with Austin and other area districts to build awareness of self-injury in schools.

The body reacts to the cuts, burns and bruises by releasing serotonin, dopamine and endorphins. Self-injury can become addictive as the body builds tolerance.
There is relatively little research about it, however, so it’s difficult to say whether self-injury is becoming more or less prevalent. Spielman compared the growing awareness of self-injury to the way eating disorders became better known and understood throughout the 1970s and ’80s.

'You put a target on your back'
Lizzie, who was a straight-A student and a cheerleader in a Central Texas middle school, said she started cutting after finding herself in a “bad situation” with a boy. She became depressed and took one of the many razors in her parent’s garage that her father used for his business. Like many self-injuring teens and preteens, Lizzie was crafty. She would hide the razors in a small first-aid kit her parents gave her, and she would only cut parts of her body she could cover with clothes.

Her parents saw the cuts once or twice, but they didn’t think it was very serious at first. They talked to her about it and thought she was going to stop.

“It was almost like it was a fad and something to try,” Lizzie’s mother, Terri, said.
Eventually her friends at school noticed. Some tried to help. Once in the locker room, Lizzie was planning to cut, but dropped her razor. A girl who Lizzie said she didn’t know well took the razor and flushed it down the toilet. Others, though, weren’t as understanding. Lizzie said she was bullied a lot.

“When you start cutting, you put a target on your back,” Terri said.

Spielman, who has worked with Lizzie for the last few years, said that’s typical. She teaches her clients other coping mechanisms. Lizzie writes poems or makes scrapbooks. Now, after years of therapy, Lizzie says she still gets the urge to do it, but she knows the impulse will pass if she waits. She calls it “riding the wave.”

Unhealthy coping mechanism
Last year, at least 521 students told Austin school officials they were struggling with self-injury. An additional 460 students have reported injuring themselves so far this school year. Officials say that more students are likely in the same situation but have not reported it, and the tracking program is still new, so many schools are still not turning in complete figures.

Officials have also worked to prevent self-injury in schools.

Officials rewrote the district’s crisis handbook over the summer and added a protocol for dealing with self-injury. They did staff development at the beginning of the school year with counselors. They’re also creating a DVD aimed at middle schoolers to teach them what to do if they or their friends are hurting themselves.

The increased awareness and understanding is important for making sure students get the care they need, said Meagan Butler, a counselor at the Liberal Arts and Sciences Academy who helped develop the protocol this summer.

“Self-injury is one of those things a lot of people aren’t aware of,” Butler said. “What surprises me time and time again is how well the kids hide it. Our kids are really good at masking — their grades will look great and they’re still involved in clubs and look happy, but they are doing this.”

Once adults do find out, though, they need to be sure to treat it like it is: an unhealthy coping mechanism.

“There are a lot of things people do that are unhealthy, and this is just one of them,” Butler said. “It’s not like you’re crazy for cutting … you just learned a way to cope that’s not healthy.”

Be.

One of our second-grade teachers, Lesley Clinchard, found this great bulletin board idea on Pinterest and shared it with me.  With our state's standardized testing just around the corner, it's important for students to reflect on their feelings about life's challenges and their self-esteem.  This bulletin board is displayed downstairs in our main hallway for all students to see and gravitate toward words that inspire them.


10 Tips to Parent Your Anxious Child


Saturday, March 15, 2014

The Power of Teamwork


Once a group of 500 people were attending a seminar. Suddenly the speaker stopped and decided to do a group activity. He started giving each person a balloon. Each person was then asked to write their name on it using a marker pen. Then all the balloons were collected and put in another room.

The people were then let into that room and asked to find the balloon which had their name written on it within 5 minutes. Everyone was frantically searching for their name, colliding with each other, pushing around others and there was utter chaos.

At the end of 5 minutes no one could find their own balloon.
Then, the speaker asked each person to randomly collect a balloon and give it to the person whose name was written on it. Within minutes everyone had their own balloon.

The speaker then began, "This is happening in our lives. Everyone is frantically looking for happiness all around, not knowing where it is.

Our happiness lies in the happiness of other people. Give them their happiness; you will get your own happiness. And this is the purpose of human life...the pursuit of happiness."


Thank you for sharing Brett Dyer!!!

Monday, March 10, 2014

5 Surefire Ways to Build REAL Self-Esteem in Kids

Building REAL Self-Esteem in Kids



This is a great article from kidlutions.com on how to help our children develop self-esteem. Check it out:


"Most parents want to "up" their child's self-esteem.  It's a common question I get from parents.  "How do I make sure my child is confident enough?  How can I help her believe in herself?  How can she eventually bounce back from disappointment?"
Well, there a few things that parents should know that can help support their child in developing all of the above.  We know constant praise doesn't work, and in fact, may backfire. The most helpful things of all seem to be:
 

1. Stability Counts. Providing a stable living environment wherein the child feels love and unconditional positive regard.  This goes beyond the basic needs of food, shelter and clothing.  It includes routine, limits, laughter, love and sense of belonging.  Knowing that you and your home are a safe haven provides the foundation on which all other building blocks for self-esteem will rest. Every child in the world needs this.  

2. Challenge. Allow your children to be challenged.  This stretches their mental muscle and let's them feel accomplished when they complete a task they had not earlier been able to master.  Focus on progress, not perfection.  Cheer your child on to victory.  Support her in her defeat.  

3. Listen Up.  Your child needs your undivided attention.  No, not all day long.  Thank goodness, because if this were the case, you'd never get anything done.  Your child needs some time alone to dream, doodle and entertain herself. But, she also needs and deserves your full attention, at times. Put that iPad or phone down. Stop multi-tasking. Look into your child's eyes.  LISTEN.  Really listen.  Reflect back to her what she is asking or saying to you.  Make her feel understood and wanted.  

4. Praise Effort, Not Outcomes.  "You worked really hard on folding those socks.  Look how many you did!"  "You never gave up on that math homework! Good for you!"  "It's fun for me to watch you play soccer.  When you got knocked down, you got right back up and kept running! Way to go!"  "You studied hard for that spelling test and did your very best! Excellent effort!"  

5.  Help Children Be YOU-nique.  Each and every child is magnificient. (So is every adult.) When we look for it, we can find amazing qualities in every child we meet.  Help your child identify what makes her unique, what makes her stand out, what makes her special and different from anyone else in the world.  

The list of things that help kids build self-esteem could go on and on.  This will give you a start. Add your own ideas.  Just avoid the constant, ongoing praise that kids drown out and stop believing in after a while.  It backfires from it's intended purpose.  Focus on helping your child be strong and secure in herself.  Self-esteem is an inside job! Help her make her own internal dialogue STRONG and CLEAR, so she learns to trust and rely on herself."

Saturday, March 8, 2014

Beyond “Do your best”

Beyond “Do your best”: Three Ways to Lessen Your Child’s Anxiety about School

I really enjoyed reading this article from Positive Parenting Solutions, written by Dr. Kevin L. Gyoerkoe.  The strategies he focuses on are excellent ways to lower anxiety in our overwhelmed children.  Enjoy!

 
"When I first started working with 12 year-old Sarah*, she was the picture of anxiety. Sticking close to her mom, her hair covering her face, she sat in the waiting room as I came out to say hello. She muttered a “hi”, and we walked back to my office. We talked for a few minutes about movies, then–knowing her parents had brought her to my office because of her anxiety about grades–I asked her about school. Sarah burst into tears as she described just how anxious she felt.

“I feel like I have to be perfect; I have to make straight A’s”, she told me. “I don’t know when to stop, I study all the time. It takes me so much longer to finish my homework than my friends. And if I get a B or worse, I freak out.”

Toward the end of our meeting, I asked Sarah’s mom to come into my office. Her mom was calm and relaxed, the exact opposite of Sarah. She smiled easily and sat comfortably on the couch. She seemed genuinely puzzled by Sarah’s worries about school and anxiety about her grades.

“We don’t know where she gets it”, Sarah’s mom explained. “We never put any pressure on her to get good grades. All that we ask is that she do her best.”

As a psychologist who specializes in treating anxiety, I’ve witnessed this scene play out many times over the past 13 years. At first, when I met with patients like Sarah, I expected that their parents would be hard-driving, achievement-oriented moms and dads who demanded perfection and straight A’s. The first few times parents like Sarah’s mom breezed into my office more relaxed and low-key than most, I thought it was a fluke.
Over time, however, a predictable pattern emerged. These relaxed parents, it seemed, often shared the same approach when parenting their children: all we ask is that you just do your best.

As this pattern appeared, I started to wonder: Could the innocent sounding, low-key, “just do your best” approach actually make a child feel more anxious? As I considered this paradox, it occurred to me that there were three key reasons why telling someone to do their best could actually increase anxiety:
  1. It creates uncertainty: One problem with the well-intentioned do your best is that it’s simply too vague. How do we know when we’ve done our best? There’s no way to measure that goal or track our progress, so we are left in a state of uncertainty.
  2. Uncertainty creates anxiety: Uncertainty is a common cause of anxiety. Often, the more unsure we are about something, the more anxious we feel about it.
  3. It can cause us to personalize negative events: When negative events occur, it’s natural to try to explain why. If we’re instructed to just do our best on a task, and we don’t do well, we are likely to blame ourselves and conclude that we are inadequate or incompetent in some way. This creates a sense of defeat and hopelessness, which could lead to less effort and resilience in the future.
So if “do your best” might not actually help our children do their best, what can we do instead? The next time your child feels anxious about school, try these three alternatives:
  1. Be specific: Instead of the vague “do your best”, help your child set clear, concrete goals to lessen anxiety and develop good work habits. For example, you might suggest that your child to take three mock spelling tests before her weekly spelling quiz. Or you could encourage her to practice multiplication flash cards until she can do them with 100% accuracy. Being specific on the steps required to do well allows our children to shift their focus away from the outcome and focus on the process instead.
  2. Focus on mastery: Paradoxically, you can lessen your child’s anxiety and improve school performance by encouraging focus on mastery of the material instead of how much effort they put in. For example, if your child is strong in math, it may take just a few minutes of practice and little effort to master the multiplication tables for the week. Once he’s achieved this goal, consider it mission accomplished, regardless of how hard he tried or if he “did his best”.
  3. Problem-solve: If your child receives a low grade, instead of asking “Did you do your best?” ask “What do you need to do to do better next time?” Consider it a learning experience and review the material with your child. What does your child need to brush up on? Evaluate study habits as well. Did she practice regularly? Was all the homework complete? Look beyond just the grades themselves and evaluate your child’s work habits. Do they need to improve? Remember, all the effort in the world won’t overcome bad habits. By the same token, a few small shifts in work habits can make effort much more efficient.
The next time your child is struggling with anxiety about school, instead of offering a “just do your best” consider using the steps above to reduce anxiety, build self-confidence, and develop invaluable skills for the future. Your child will build concrete tools to ensure life-long success and feel less anxious in the process.

To learn more about helping your child overcome anxiety, visit www.anxietyandocdtreatmentcenter.com.

*Sarah is a fictional patient created to represent a composite of many children with similar problems."

Thursday, March 6, 2014

Be A Noble Kid Feature


I want to share a big Thank You to Be A Noble Kid!  I recently discovered that one of my blog articles had been featured in January on their website: beanoblekid.org.  This is an informative website with a powerful mission for our younger generations:


I recommend checking out their blog for more amazing ideas.  Here is the link to my article on Self-Control.