Talking to Your Child About A Tragedy

Tragedies happen every day around us in our world, countries, cities and schools.  Addressing death and the emotions that accompany tragedy can make a profound, positive impact on our children.  Parents, counselors, teachers and other school staff are key adults in many students' lives.  We must be ready to meet this challenge with knowledge and skills that will best serve our children to cope with these sad experiences.

Challenges for adults discussing tragedy with children include:

• We are unsure what to say
• We are uncomfortable about it ourselves
• We feel the need to protect and shelter
• We believe talking about it will create fears/anxieties

Even if we fail to talk to children and youth about tragedy, they learn about it from the world around them.  These "learnings" don't always promote the best understandings.  Cartoons, books, movies, fairy tales and video games, all present tragedy as reversible and avoidable.  In cartoons, death is a fate that only happens to the "bad" guys.  Honesty is the best policy when discussing tragedy, yet we are often afraid we will say "the wrong thing." 

Here are some guidelines that are important to discuss when it comes to explaining tragedy:

1. Tell the truth.  Talk to your children about what happened in terms that are appropriate to their cognitive and developmental levels.  Accurate information is central to the child's ability to analyze events and draw personally relevant conclusions.
2. Avoid giving unnecessary information that would only serve to distress or confuse the child.  Young children think very concretely.  Therefore, explain concretely what happened.  Out of their own anxiety, children will need to talk about the tragedy.  If they don't have accurate information, they may distort the truth.
3. Allow for expression/affirm all expressions.  Offer your children the opportunity to share their feelings about the tragedy.  A child may say, "I'm glad it didn't happen to me."  That is a very honest response.  It should be affirmed, not as self-centered, but as honest.  If a child begins to cry, let them know that feeling sad at a time like this is very normal.  Crying over something that is very sad is different from acting like a baby.
4. Set aside time for written expressions for the bereaved family/children.  Notes, letters or pictures created for the bereaved children mean a great deal.  Screen these projects.  Children's anxiety and fear can result in insensitive expressions.
5. Plan for the bereaved children's return.  Guide your child in deciding what to say and how to act when the children return to school or activities within the community.  Although classmates and friends should not expect the bereaved children to want to talk about it, the subject should not be ignored.  In addition to a death in a family, it is devastating for the bereaved child to be abandoned by friends at school or community organizations, resulting in another loss.  Classmates and friends might acknowledge it with a statement like, "I'm glad you're back.  I am really sorry ___ happened" and then treat the children as they did before the tragedy.
6. This loss may remind your children of losses they have experienced.  They may need to tell and retell the story of what has happened to them.  This helps them process, piece by piece, until they form their own developmentally realistic understanding.
7. Maintain or assure daily activities and routines.  Regular activities help children pace their energy and feel safe.  Maintain rhythm, patterns and routines while tempering your expectations with kindness and understanding.

Please remember these difficult times affect everyone differently.  Please contact me if your child needs additional support coping with a loss.

Self-Injury in the News

It was disappointing and heart-wrenching to read this article from today's Austin-American Statesman:

As Austin schools tally nearly 1,000 cases, experts warn of prevalence of ‘self-injury’ among teens 

By Benjamin Wermund - American-Statesman Staff

When Lizzie was in seventh grade, she would use a mechanical pencil to cut her arms and ankles under her desk. Her teachers never noticed.

She would do it to make herself feel numb when she was anxious or when her emotions overwhelmed her. It became an addiction that Lizzie, now a high school student, is still fighting.

Health officials say self-injury — cutting, hitting, burning, bruising or otherwise hurting oneself to relieve stress or anxiety — frequently stems from underlying emotional or psychiatric problems, such as bipolar disorder or post-traumatic stress disorder.
It is an often misunderstood problem that is more widespread than parents might think.
The Austin school district last year began tracking when students tell counselors or teachers that they are cutting or hurting themselves, and it has tallied nearly 1,000 such reports so far.

“When I got those numbers, I was alarmed,” said Dianna Groves, a crisis counseling coordinator at the district who started the program. “For many years we’ve known it’s high, but the last two or three years we started paying more attention to it.”
Health officials say self-injury isn’t a fad: for decades, it has been something teenagers and preteens have seen their friends and classmates doing, and some try it, not realizing that it can become addictive or that it can be a precursor to suicide.

“Self-injury is a really powerful punch — this is a lot more than people are bargaining for when they start,” said Linda Spielman, a nationally known expert and counselor at Dialectical Behavior Therapy Associates of Austin, who has worked with Austin and other area districts to build awareness of self-injury in schools.

The body reacts to the cuts, burns and bruises by releasing serotonin, dopamine and endorphins. Self-injury can become addictive as the body builds tolerance.
There is relatively little research about it, however, so it’s difficult to say whether self-injury is becoming more or less prevalent. Spielman compared the growing awareness of self-injury to the way eating disorders became better known and understood throughout the 1970s and ’80s.

'You put a target on your back'
Lizzie, who was a straight-A student and a cheerleader in a Central Texas middle school, said she started cutting after finding herself in a “bad situation” with a boy. She became depressed and took one of the many razors in her parent’s garage that her father used for his business. Like many self-injuring teens and preteens, Lizzie was crafty. She would hide the razors in a small first-aid kit her parents gave her, and she would only cut parts of her body she could cover with clothes.

Her parents saw the cuts once or twice, but they didn’t think it was very serious at first. They talked to her about it and thought she was going to stop.

“It was almost like it was a fad and something to try,” Lizzie’s mother, Terri, said.
Eventually her friends at school noticed. Some tried to help. Once in the locker room, Lizzie was planning to cut, but dropped her razor. A girl who Lizzie said she didn’t know well took the razor and flushed it down the toilet. Others, though, weren’t as understanding. Lizzie said she was bullied a lot.

“When you start cutting, you put a target on your back,” Terri said.

Spielman, who has worked with Lizzie for the last few years, said that’s typical. She teaches her clients other coping mechanisms. Lizzie writes poems or makes scrapbooks. Now, after years of therapy, Lizzie says she still gets the urge to do it, but she knows the impulse will pass if she waits. She calls it “riding the wave.”

Unhealthy coping mechanism
Last year, at least 521 students told Austin school officials they were struggling with self-injury. An additional 460 students have reported injuring themselves so far this school year. Officials say that more students are likely in the same situation but have not reported it, and the tracking program is still new, so many schools are still not turning in complete figures.

Officials have also worked to prevent self-injury in schools.

Officials rewrote the district’s crisis handbook over the summer and added a protocol for dealing with self-injury. They did staff development at the beginning of the school year with counselors. They’re also creating a DVD aimed at middle schoolers to teach them what to do if they or their friends are hurting themselves.

The increased awareness and understanding is important for making sure students get the care they need, said Meagan Butler, a counselor at the Liberal Arts and Sciences Academy who helped develop the protocol this summer.

“Self-injury is one of those things a lot of people aren’t aware of,” Butler said. “What surprises me time and time again is how well the kids hide it. Our kids are really good at masking — their grades will look great and they’re still involved in clubs and look happy, but they are doing this.”

Once adults do find out, though, they need to be sure to treat it like it is: an unhealthy coping mechanism.

“There are a lot of things people do that are unhealthy, and this is just one of them,” Butler said. “It’s not like you’re crazy for cutting … you just learned a way to cope that’s not healthy.”

Valentines Postcards for Veterans

In conjunction with Random Acts of Kindness Week, our first grade students wrote Valentines Postcards for our local Veterans.  The Austin VA Outpatient Clinic contacted our school asking for students to make Valentines for their patients.  The clinic is 184,000 square feet - the largest, free-standing VA outpatient clinic in the nation!  Although we couldn't arrange a visit to hand-deliver these unique messages, I know that our positive thoughts will bring a smile to their faces when they arrive.

We first talked about who Veterans are and I reminded students about our Veteran's Day Ceremony we had in the fall around the flagpole in front of our school.  Many students shared stories about their own family members serving in our nation's military.  We brainstormed which ideas would be nice to write in our postcards.  Students thought about what personal message they would like, then decorated the themed designs on the front to make them extra special.  I will be mailing their Valentines to arrive on time for Valentines Day on this Friday, February 14th.

Update: We received a nice thank you letter...

Flood Assistance

If any of you are wondering how you can help flood victims from last weeks rains, here is some information to pass along...

Donations are being accepted now at: 

Mendez Middle School
Family Resource Center
5106 Village Square Drive
Austin, 78744
512-841-1016

· Clothing

Please LABEL outside of bags if possible as “Adult Male,” “Adult Female,” “Girl Size 5”, “Boy Size 10”

· Hygiene items
· Canned goods
· Baby Formula, Diapers, Wipes
· Hand Sanitizer
· Water Jugs or Bottles

Additionally, if you want to discuss this with your kiddos, there is a Sesame Street video on floods:

http://www.sesamestreet.org/parents/theshow/episodes/the-flood

Food, Water, Shelter, School Supplies, Transportation and Counseling
Families who need support with food, water or shelter may find resources at the Dove Springs Recreation Center at 5801 Ainez Drive or by calling (512) 447-5875. You may also call the Family Resource Center at Mendez Middle School at 512-841-1016 between the hours of 7:30 a.m. and 4:30 p.m. Water, bread and baby formula are available at the resource center, as well as school supplies and school transportation information for AISD students who have been displaced from their home.
City-wide Transportation
Families in need of transportation assistance can call the Red Cross at 512-974-0999. Capital Metro is also providing transportation assistance between the Onion Creek area and Dove Springs Recreation Center shelter.
Donations
To make an online donation to support Red Cross Disaster Relief, please visit www.redcross.org. You can also donate by calling 1-800-RED CROSS (1-800-733-2767) or texting the word REDCROSS to 90999 to make a $10 donation.
Additionally, the Family Resource Center at Mendez Middle School is seeking donations of shoes. Please call 512-841-1016 to see how you can assist.
While families of school children in Southeast Austin communities such as Dove Springs are being helped by agencies and school staff members, the district's parent support specialists have noted families remain in need of donations for:

• Gift cards to stores such as Target and Walmart
• Feminine hygiene products
• Cleaning supplies
• Canned food
• Heavy duty trash bags
• Bath towels and
• Blankets.

Donations of these items may be delivered to the district's Family Resource Center at Mendez Middle School, 5106 Village Square Portable #3. For more information, please contact the AISD center at 512-841-1016.

Volunteering
The Austin Disaster Relief Network and the Red Cross are still seeking volunteers to help provide relief to families affected by last week's flooding. To learn how you can help Austin Disaster Relief Network, please call 512-331-2600 or visit www.adrntx.org/index.php/central-tx-flood-news. To volunteer with the Red Cross, please call 512-928-4271 or visit http://www.redcross.org/support.
1. Warehouse Volunteers
The community need volunteers to manage and sort donated items at Oak Meadow Church, 6905 S. IH 35, in South Austin. To sign up for a shift, please click here.

2. CISM & Chaplain Trained Volunteers
CISM & Chaplain volunteers are needed to debrief provide ministry to the numerous traumatized survivors. To sign up for a shift, please click here.
3. Clean Up Volunteers
Volunteers are needed to help clean up affected homes. The initial meeting site will be at the Crossroads Christian House of Prayer, 5201 William Cannon. To sign up for a shift, click here.

4. Shepherds to Sponsor Families
More than 100 families will likely need sponsorships to aid in their recovery. A training is scheduled for Sunday, Nov. 3 from 2 to 5 p.m. at Westoak Woods Baptist Church, 2900 W. Slaughter Lane.To sign up, click here.
5. Donated Goods
Gift cards to Walmart and HEB as well as furniture, household items, water, clothing, toiletries, baby items and toys are greatly needed. These can be dropped off at the warehouse located at Oak Meadows Baptist Church, 6905 S. IH 35.

The Family Resource Center at Consuelo Mendez Middle School, 5106 Village Drive, is also accepting similar donations. Clothing donations should be sorted and dropped off in bags labeled with the type of clothing, for example: "Adult male," "Adult female," Girls size 5," etc. The center is open weekdays and Saturday, Nov. 2 from 8 a.m, to 5 p.m. Call 512-841-1016. Learn More.

6. Call Center Volunteers
ADRN needs several volunteers to answer the phones (for survivors,) at its Call Center over the next several days. To volunteer, please click here.
7. Hospitality Team
ADRN is in need of volunteers to prepare meals for volunteers working at our Call Center. To sign up for a shift, please click here.

Explaining the News to Our Kids

Kids get their news from many sources -- and they're not always correct. I found this very informative article on Common Sense Media about how to talk about the news -- and listen, too.

Help put the news in perspective

Shootings, terrorist attacks, natural disasters, end-of-the-world predictions -- even local news reports of missing kids and area shootings -- all of this can be upsetting news even for adults, much less kids. In our 24/7 news world, it's become nearly impossible to shield kids from distressing current events.Today, kids get news from everywhere. This constant stream of information shows up in sharable videos, posts, blogs, feeds, and alerts. And since much of this content comes from sites that are designed for adult audiences, what your kids see, hear, or read might not always be age appropriate. Making things even more challenging is the fact that many kids are getting this information directly on their phones and laptops. Often parents aren't around to immediately help their children make sense of horrendous situations.

The bottom line is that young kids simply don't have the ability to understand news events in context, much less know whether or not a source of information is credible. And while older teens are better able to understand current events, even they face challenges when it comes to sifting fact from opinion -- or misinformation.

No matter how old your kid is, threatening or upsetting news can affect them emotionally. Many can feel worried, frightened, angry -- even guilty. And these anxious feelings can last long after the news event is over. So what can you do as a parent to help your kids deal with all of this information?

Tips for all kids

Reassure your children that they're safe. Tell your kids that even though a story is getting a lot of attention, it was just one event and was most likely a very rare occurrence. And remember that your kids will look to the way you handle your reactions to determine their own approach. If you stay calm and considered, they will, too. 

Tips for kids under 7

Keep the news away. Turn off the TV and radio news at the top of the hour and half hour. Read the newspaper out of range of young eyes that can be frightened by the pictures. Preschool children don't need to see or hear about something that will only scare them silly, especially because they can easily confuse facts with fantasies or fears.
At this age, kids are most concerned with your safety and separation from you. They'll also respond strongly to pictures of other young children in jeopardy. Try not to minimize or discount their concerns and fears, but reassure them by explaining all the protective measures that exist to keep them safe. If you're flying somewhere with them, explain that extra security is a good thing. 

Tips for kids 8-12  

Carefully consider your child's maturity and temperament. Many kids can handle a discussion of threatening events, but if your children tend toward the sensitive side, be sure to keep them away from the TV news; repetitive images and stories can make dangers appear greater, more prevalent, and closer to home.

At this age, many kids will see the morality of events in stark black-and-white terms and are in the process of developing their moral beliefs. You may have to explain the basics of prejudice, bias, and civil and religious strife. But be careful about making generalizations, since kids will take what you say to the bank. This is a good time to ask them what they know, since they'll probably have gotten their information from friends, and you may have to correct facts.

You might explain that even news programs compete for viewers, which sometimes affects content decisions. If you let your kids use the Internet, go online with them. Some of the pictures posted are simply grisly. Monitor where your kids are going, and set your URLs to open to non-news-based portals. 

Tips for teens  

Check in. Since, in many instances, teens will have absorbed the news independently of you, talking with them can offer great insights into their developing politics and their senses of justice and morality. It will also give you the opportunity to throw your own insights into the mix (just don't dismiss theirs, since that will shut down the conversation immediately).

Many teens will feel passionately about events and may even personalize them if someone they know has been directly affected. They'll also probably be aware that their own lives could be impacted by terrorist tactics. Try to address their concerns without dismissing or minimizing them. If you disagree with media portrayals, explain why so that your teens can separate the mediums through which they absorb news from the messages conveyed.

Original source: http://www.commonsensemedia.org/advice-for-parents/explaining-news-our-kids?utm_source=041813_Parent&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=weekly

 

 

***Also, for a kid-friendly newscast, check out CNN Student News.  Each weekday there is a new 5-10 minute world news report presented in an age appropriate way.***

Touching: Safe vs Confusing

In first grade this week I gave a lesson on appropriate touching.  I made a criteria chart to help students learn about the touching rule.  It's important for young children to be aware of how to protect themselves and also understand that it is never their fault if someone touches them inappropriately.

The first type of touching is a SAFE touch.  It will make you, and others, feel happy, safe, and warm inside.  It shows that you care.  Some examples include a good night hug from mom, dad, and other relatives; hug or high five from a teammate or friend; hugging your pet.

The second type of touching is a CONFUSING touch.  This is an unwanted touch that makes you feel scared, mixed up, uncomfortable, or confused.  It is not warm and it doesn't show that someone cares for you.  Some examples include a hug you don't like from someone you don't want a hug from, tickling under your shirt, touches that are uncomfortable or hurt, a pat on your bottom.  If you have a weird feeling in the pit of your stomach, it's best to report it to an adult immediately.

The third type of touching is a PRIVATE touch.  Something is private if it belongs to you.  Your body is private.  Everything that is covered by your bathing suit is private.  Nobody should touch these places unless you have given them permission and it is for a very good reason.  We discussed that doctors might touch your private areas with your permission to check your health, and your parents should always be present.

If someone touches you in a way that is not wanted, confusing, or a private area you need to tell them, "NO." "STOP." LEAVE ME ALONE." in a stern, loud voice (we practiced this aloud) and go find your parents or a trusted adult right away.  If the first trusted adult doesn't believe you or help you, keep telling trusted adults until you find someone that will help.  I reinforced that it is not your fault when someone gives you unwanted touches to your private areas.  

I found a great article about how to teach touching safety rules to your children at home.

Teaching Touching Safety Rules from the Committee for Children:

 

There are three things you can teach your children before you begin to teach them specific touching safety rules.

1. Teach children the correct names of all of their different body parts, including their private body parts.

Children often find it hard to tell about sexual abuse because they don't know the words to use. Learning correct (anatomical) words for private body parts gives children the words to use and helps them know that it is okay to talk about those body parts.
When teaching your young child the different body parts, consider using the correct words for private body parts along with words such as tummy and ears. You can give older children more information because they are able to understand more. You can also explain that the parts of their bodies covered by a swimsuit are their private body parts.

2. Teach children that "You are the boss of your body."

Let your children know that they are in control of who touches their bodies and how. Model this for children: "I don't want you to jump up and down on me. Please stop." Likewise, immediately respect their wishes not to be touched in certain ways. "Looks like you don't want me to pick you up right now. Okay." As you supervise your children's interactions, make it clear that they need to stop tickling or roughhousing if a sibling says "Stop!" 

In addition, do not insist that your children give or receive hugs or kisses from relatives if they do not wish to. This teaches children that it’s okay to say no to touches from people in their family. Some relatives might expect a hug from your children every time they see them. Tell relatives that you are teaching your children to be bosses of their bodies as part of teaching them safety about touching, so that family members won't be offended by your children's behavior.

3. Explain to children that there are three kinds of touches.

The three kinds of touches are:

• Safe touches. These are touches that keep children safe and are good for them, and that make children feel cared for and important. Safe touches can include hugging, pats on the back, and an arm around the shoulder. Safe touches can also include touches that might hurt, such as removing a splinter. Explain to children that when you remove a splinter, you are doing so to keep them healthy, which makes it a safe touch.
• Unsafe touches. These are touches that hurt children's bodies or feelings (for example, hitting, pushing, pinching, and kicking). Teach children that these kinds of touches are not okay.
• Unwanted touches. These are touches that might be safe but that a child doesn't want from that person or at that moment. It is okay for a child to say no to an unwanted touch, even if it is from a familiar person. Help your children practice saying no in a strong, yet polite voice. This will help children learn to set personal boundaries.

Touching Safety Rules

Once children can name their private body parts and know about different kinds of touches, you can teach them that there is another kind of unsafe touch that is also not okay. This kind of touch is when someone older or bigger touches their private body parts. How you explain this will depend on the age of your child.

For a young child you might say, "Another kind of unsafe touch is when a bigger person touches you on your private body parts and it is not to keep you clean or healthy. So we have a family safety rule that it is never okay for a bigger person to touch your private body parts except to keep you clean and healthy." 

Parents should understand that the "clean" part of this rule applies to young children at an age when an adult might help them with diaper changing, going to the toilet, or bathing. The "healthy" part of this rule refers to doctor visits; for example, when the doctor gives a child a shot. An adult family member should always be present at doctor appointments. At some point during the teenage years it will become appropriate for your children to handle their own doctor appointments.

For an older child you might say, "Another kind of unsafe touch is when someone touches you on your private body parts and it is not to keep you healthy. So our family safety rule about touching is that no one should touch your private body parts except to keep you healthy."

Teach your children the following safety rules:

• It is not okay to touch someone else's private body parts.
• It is not okay for someone to touch his or her own private body parts in front of you.
• It is not okay for someone to ask you to touch his or her private body parts.
• It is not okay for someone to ask you to take your clothes off or to take photos or videos of you with your clothes off.
• It is not okay for someone to show you photos or videos of people without their clothes on.

Speaking to Your Child about Tragedy

Here is a helpful resource from the American Counseling Association (ACA) for speaking with your child about tragedy: Disaster and Trauma Responses of Children

Another great article is Talking to Children about the Shooting from The National Child Traumatic Stress Network.

Tips from the American School Counseling Association (ASCA): Try and keep routines as normal as possible. Kids gain security from the predictability of routine, including attending school.
 Limit exposure to television and the news.
 Be honest with kids and share with them as much information as they are developmentally able to handle.
 Listen to kids’ fears and concerns.
 Reassure kids that the world is a good place to be, but that there are people who do bad things.
 Parents and adults need to first deal with and assess their own responses to crisis and stress.
 Rebuild and reaffirm attachments and relationships.

Visit NBCNews.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Additional Websites Include:

•  Disaster Help for Parents and Children: http://www.childadvocate.net/disaster.htm 
• Helping Children and Adolescents Cope with Violence and Disaster: http://www.nimh.nih.gov/publicat/violence.cfm  
• Coping in Unsettled Times: http://www.nasponline.org/crisisresources/ 
• Talking to Children about Community Violence: http://www.aacap.org/cs/root/resources_for_families/talking_to_children_about_community_violence
• Talking to Your Child about Recent School Shootings: http://www.apa.org/topics/violence/school-shooting.aspx
• Helping Students Through Tragedy: http://www.teachingblogaddict.com/2012/12/helping-students-through-tragedy.html
• How to Talk to Children About School Shooting: http://www.webmd.com/parenting/news/20121214/talk-children-school-shooting?src=RSS_PUBLIC
• How to Talk to Your Kids About the Conn. Shooting: http://www.npr.org/blogs/health/2012/12/14/167269582/how-to-talk-to-your-kids-about-the-conn-shooting?utm_source=science&utm_medium=facebook&utm_campaign=20121214
• Coping with Violence and Traumatic Events: http://www.samhsa.gov/trauma/
• Helping Children Cope with Tragedy Related Anxiety: http://www.samhsa.gov/trauma/

Helping Children Cope in the Aftermath of a Disaster or Crisis

Helping Children Cope in the Aftermath of a Disaster or Crisis

Written by Gail K. Roaten, Ph.D., LPC-S

Children and adolescents will be affected by fear after tragic events such as disasters and specific crises. It is important for counselors, teachers, parents, and other adults to respond appropriately. School counselors, administrators, and mental health professionals need to work together to develop systemic/systematic strategies to intervene with children and adolescents that may be suffering from fear and general feelings of not being safe. Diminished responsiveness such as “psychic numbing” or “emotional anesthesia” usually begins shortly after a traumatic event. Sometime reactions will appear immediately, or a delayed reaction might take place with symptoms developing weeks or months after the crisis. If after assessing a student’s functioning you decide that individual counseling is necessary, please contact me and I will provide some suggestions. This will be the topic for our next consultation! There are certain protocols to follow. In addition, some types of interventions work better than others. We will discuss these strategies in depth next time we meet.

When dealing with large groups of children, David Walsh (2001) provides some very timely tips on how adults can help children deal with crisis of national proportions.

Things to Remember

• Fear is an intense concern or worry caused by real or imagined danger.
• Fear is a natural and normal reaction to a scary event.
• Children younger than five years old cannot always tell fantasy from reality. Media depictions of attacks can be as scary as a real attack.
• Some children will exhibit fear through behavior, not words. Examples might include a lump in the throat, crying, and abnormal agitation.
• Sensitive children with vivid imaginations are more prone to intense fear reactions.
• All children, even the very young, have a sixth sense that enables them to be aware of an adult’s fear & anxiety.
• Children respond differently at different ages, developmental stages.

Tips to Help Children with Fear

• The best overall strategy is to do tow things simultaneously: acknowledge their fear while reassuring them.
• Take your cues form the child. Don’t assume they are more afraid than they may be. Conversely, don assume that they are unaware of what has happened.
• Take their fear seriously. Don’t try to talk them out of it.
• Respond calmly. Don’t exaggerate their fears by using extreme language or overreacting yourself.
• Answer their questions directly but don’t give them more information than they are asking for or that they need.
• Provide physical reassurance with lots of hugs and touching.
• Make sure they know it’s okay to ask questions.
• Manage the media diet of coverage according to their age.

Tips to Help Adolescents

Youth in junior high and high school have probably already talked about the attack with friends. It is important to be honest with them and let them know what is going on. This age may even be “glued” to the TV or internet, eager for more news and details.

• It is important to talk about what has happened, answer their questions as best you can, and discuss your reaction with them.
• Acknowledge feelings of fear, horror, anger, and sadness.
• Provide comfort & reassurance.
• Share details with younger adolescents but do not overwhelm them.
• Some may act out feelings; others might withdraw.
• Some teens may also block out the whole thing & refuse to acknowledge that anything “big” has happened or that they care. This is often masks real fears and feelings of being overwhelmed.
• Some teens may make jokes. That is a classic defense mechanism for some. Let them know it’s not funny without lecturing them.
• Some teens may be interested in discussing issues that this tragedy raises. Be willing to engage them in a serious discussion.
• Be careful to avoid placing blame on people, groups of people, labeling, etc.
• Use historical tragedies as examples or basis for conversation. Talk to teens about how the situation may be resolved. You may have to explain to younger adolescents that bad things do happen to innocent people, but as people of a nation, we go on and live our lives, trying to resolve such bad situations.

Coping with Loss using Art Therapy

I have been fascinated with how children’s artwork can be a doorway into their feelings, so I was excited when I came across this article.  Many children have experienced loss, which also includes both divorce and moving in addition to the death of loved ones, and not many know how to cope with such deep emotions.  In school it might translate into “a number of behaviors such as crying, withdrawal, concentration problems, aggression, and violence” (Finn 2003) and other health issues.  The stages of mourning can be difficult and confusing to both children and families, so finding therapeutic ways to help students move through the process with the help of their peers can be one way to ease the pain.

I definitely agree that bibliotherapy and role-playing are helpful strategies to use with children experiencing a variety of emotions and situations they are unfamiliar with.  Knowing that someone else, even just a character from a story, could have similar experiences to them helps children feel more at ease about what they’re going through.  A few years ago I read Rules by Cynthia Lord to my class.  It centers around a character who has a little brother that is autistic and the many ways she teaches him to function in society.  The author does not come right out and explain autism, but students in my class were able to generalize the situations in the book to be more open-minded and patient with a student in our class that struggled with very similar social situations.

I agree that art is an effective means of communicating, particularly for young children who don’t have the vocabulary or ability to express their feelings.  Art is also nonthreatening and many children find it relaxing to sit down with a coloring book or piece of paper without feeling there is an alternative motive – they have complete control.  I thought it was funny that they mentioned counselors could experiment with different art supplies ahead of time so they feel comfortable using it.  I’m not sure how many counselors are afraid of using markers, paint, or clay but maybe they haven’t had many experiences as a child with these or in working with children.

I really liked how the article had a case example that explained what the students did in each session, it helped me to see the themes and activities and created a visual picture.  I enjoyed seeing how the group started, then eased into deeper exploration of feelings.  I also thought it was great that students were given the opportunity to share with the other group members what they had created each time and explain what went into it.  It used a variety of art mediums, from sketching, designing, acting, coloring, writing, music, and painting which would make any child feel successful no matter what artistic skill they believe they hold.  The group painting seemed like such a neat experience, and the take-away box they created in the last session probably meant so much to them.  The evaluation of the sessions was very positive and I almost had tears in my eyes of the children’s quotes of what they most like about being in the group.  I can’t imagine what a positive impact this has had on them!

I definitely would like the opportunity to use art therapy with children in the future, this article was very informative and I enjoyed reading the recent research on art therapy.

References

Finn, C. A. (2003). Helping students cope with loss: incorporating art into group counseling. The Journal for Specialists in Group Work, 28 (2), 155-165.