Habit #1 Be Proactive

In fifth grade, the classroom teachers and I are piggy-backing off of each other to reinforce Sean Covey's The Seven Habits of Healthy Kids.  This book emphasizes 7 habits that help children be happy, successful individuals in our world.

The 7 habits include:

1. Be Proactive
2. Begin with the End in Mind
3. Put First Things First
4. Think Win-Win
5. Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood
6. Synergize
7. Sharpen the Saw

Each week the teachers read a different chapter of the book and discuss the habit with their students.  The following week I come into the classroom and reinforce the habit through a series of activities.

The first habit we began with was "Be Proactive." 

You're in Charge

I am a responsible person. I take initiative. I choose my actions, attitudes, and moods. I do not blame others for my wrong actions. I do the right thing without being asked, even when no one is looking.

I came in carrying two bottles: a soda bottle and a water bottle.  I started by saying that sometimes things go wrong, and we feel shaken up.  For example, I might hit snooze on my alarm clock and arrive tardy to school (shake soda bottle).  I might drop my school books while I'm switching classes (shake soda bottle a little more).  I might forget to bring my homework back to school (shake soda bottle even more).  All of these things could easily knock us off of our game.  As a result, we might explode on someone or something (pretend to open soda bottle).  After all the "ooooo's" and "aaaaaa's", I explained that this is called being reactive.  Has this ever happened to you?  What happened and why?  Was this a good way to let go of all of your feelings?  Why or why not?

Next, I went through the same scenarios but instead with shaking a water bottle.  When I went to open it students immediately know nothing was going to happen.  I explained that this is called being proactive.  When we are proactive, we make a choice about how we will react to the things that happen in our lives.  We might get shaken up or mad, but we stay calm and don't explode.  Is it hard to stay calm (like a water bottle) even when things don't go our way?  Why or why not?  What steps can we take to be more proactive and calm when things aren't going well?

I then passed out a short quiz to help students figure out if they tend to be more reactive or proactive. 

We discussed ways to be more proactive, one of which being aware of what we have control of in our lives.  When we focus on things we CAN control, we are being more proactive.  When we focus on things OUTSIDE our control, we are being more reactive.

I gave students a blank organizer and they brainstormed the many things they do and do not have control over in their lives.  After sharing out, our discussion focused on changing how we handle things.  We can make a choice to be positive and focus on those things that we CAN change.

Examining our Prejudices

I found a great activity on Learning to Give to help our fourth graders understand prejudice and discrimination.  Many of us have misconceptions about the worlds demographics in regards to population, health, wealth, and resources.  I started by giving students an activity called "If the World Were 100 People."  I had students imagine that our ever-growing population of 7.1 billion people would be represented by only 100 people (roughly each 1 person would represent 70,000,000 million people - as figured out by one of our students).  The handout had numbers listed up top that were to be placed next to different groupings of people. I gave them about 5-7 minutes to work on this before we went over the true results.  The true answers shocked them.  We discussed what surprised us most about the truth.  I reinforced that if our perceptions about the world are not accurate, then how accurate are our perceptions of our own country? state? community? school? and other individuals?

People often use labels or categories to describe others.  These labels might be based on clothing, looks, the way someone talks, the groups they belong to etc.  Categorizing things or people is a natural behavior, however, people often make assumptions about groups of people they don't even know.  I asked students to come up with some categories that we use to group people.  Their answers included: nerds, blacks, whites, homeless, jocks, popular kids, gays, etc.  I then challenged them to describe what a "nerd" was - how would you know someone is a nerd?  They listed out some characteristics and I then further probed by asking if our assumptions we have about this group apply to everyone in the group?  Do most people hold the same assumptions about a group?  Why or why not?  Do assumptions tell us anything definite about a categorized individual?  How do our assumptions affect our behavior toward others?  When we make assumptions about a group of people or a person - these are called stereotypes.  Stereotypes are often unfair and hurtful.  When assumptions and stereotypes influence our attitudes, we may find that it's hard to make a fair judgment about them.  This is called a bias.  We reviewed the list of important vocabulary which raised a rich discussion.

Finally I used the activity "Stand and Deliver".  In this activity I read statements aloud that would describe something we could categorize others by: diversity, experience, etc.  If the statement was true about you, you were to stand.  If the statement was not true about you, you were to stay seated.  This activity was done silently and after each statement was read and responded to, I had students look around the room and make observations.  Statements varied from male/female, to citizenship, to birth order, to family composition, to teasing/discrimination.  We debriefed by discussing the feelings that came up for us during the activity.  What was the hardest part?  What did you learn about yourself?  What did you learn about others?  What surprised you?  What did this show you about discrimination?

Self-Injury in the News

It was disappointing and heart-wrenching to read this article from today's Austin-American Statesman:

As Austin schools tally nearly 1,000 cases, experts warn of prevalence of ‘self-injury’ among teens 

By Benjamin Wermund - American-Statesman Staff

When Lizzie was in seventh grade, she would use a mechanical pencil to cut her arms and ankles under her desk. Her teachers never noticed.

She would do it to make herself feel numb when she was anxious or when her emotions overwhelmed her. It became an addiction that Lizzie, now a high school student, is still fighting.

Health officials say self-injury — cutting, hitting, burning, bruising or otherwise hurting oneself to relieve stress or anxiety — frequently stems from underlying emotional or psychiatric problems, such as bipolar disorder or post-traumatic stress disorder.
It is an often misunderstood problem that is more widespread than parents might think.
The Austin school district last year began tracking when students tell counselors or teachers that they are cutting or hurting themselves, and it has tallied nearly 1,000 such reports so far.

“When I got those numbers, I was alarmed,” said Dianna Groves, a crisis counseling coordinator at the district who started the program. “For many years we’ve known it’s high, but the last two or three years we started paying more attention to it.”
Health officials say self-injury isn’t a fad: for decades, it has been something teenagers and preteens have seen their friends and classmates doing, and some try it, not realizing that it can become addictive or that it can be a precursor to suicide.

“Self-injury is a really powerful punch — this is a lot more than people are bargaining for when they start,” said Linda Spielman, a nationally known expert and counselor at Dialectical Behavior Therapy Associates of Austin, who has worked with Austin and other area districts to build awareness of self-injury in schools.

The body reacts to the cuts, burns and bruises by releasing serotonin, dopamine and endorphins. Self-injury can become addictive as the body builds tolerance.
There is relatively little research about it, however, so it’s difficult to say whether self-injury is becoming more or less prevalent. Spielman compared the growing awareness of self-injury to the way eating disorders became better known and understood throughout the 1970s and ’80s.

'You put a target on your back'
Lizzie, who was a straight-A student and a cheerleader in a Central Texas middle school, said she started cutting after finding herself in a “bad situation” with a boy. She became depressed and took one of the many razors in her parent’s garage that her father used for his business. Like many self-injuring teens and preteens, Lizzie was crafty. She would hide the razors in a small first-aid kit her parents gave her, and she would only cut parts of her body she could cover with clothes.

Her parents saw the cuts once or twice, but they didn’t think it was very serious at first. They talked to her about it and thought she was going to stop.

“It was almost like it was a fad and something to try,” Lizzie’s mother, Terri, said.
Eventually her friends at school noticed. Some tried to help. Once in the locker room, Lizzie was planning to cut, but dropped her razor. A girl who Lizzie said she didn’t know well took the razor and flushed it down the toilet. Others, though, weren’t as understanding. Lizzie said she was bullied a lot.

“When you start cutting, you put a target on your back,” Terri said.

Spielman, who has worked with Lizzie for the last few years, said that’s typical. She teaches her clients other coping mechanisms. Lizzie writes poems or makes scrapbooks. Now, after years of therapy, Lizzie says she still gets the urge to do it, but she knows the impulse will pass if she waits. She calls it “riding the wave.”

Unhealthy coping mechanism
Last year, at least 521 students told Austin school officials they were struggling with self-injury. An additional 460 students have reported injuring themselves so far this school year. Officials say that more students are likely in the same situation but have not reported it, and the tracking program is still new, so many schools are still not turning in complete figures.

Officials have also worked to prevent self-injury in schools.

Officials rewrote the district’s crisis handbook over the summer and added a protocol for dealing with self-injury. They did staff development at the beginning of the school year with counselors. They’re also creating a DVD aimed at middle schoolers to teach them what to do if they or their friends are hurting themselves.

The increased awareness and understanding is important for making sure students get the care they need, said Meagan Butler, a counselor at the Liberal Arts and Sciences Academy who helped develop the protocol this summer.

“Self-injury is one of those things a lot of people aren’t aware of,” Butler said. “What surprises me time and time again is how well the kids hide it. Our kids are really good at masking — their grades will look great and they’re still involved in clubs and look happy, but they are doing this.”

Once adults do find out, though, they need to be sure to treat it like it is: an unhealthy coping mechanism.

“There are a lot of things people do that are unhealthy, and this is just one of them,” Butler said. “It’s not like you’re crazy for cutting … you just learned a way to cope that’s not healthy.”

Career Video

In kindergarten we are exploring the different careers that are available in our world.  I found this cute video on YouTube called "Career Day" by the Bazillions that allows students to get a taste of what is out there.


Afterward we discussed some of the careers we saw and talked about what we might be interested in.  For their Lee Live grade level project, kindergartens took gorgeous black and white photographs alongside a chalkboard with what they'd like to be when they grow up.

Then I gave them each a coloring book with different careers to color and ask questions about.  You can download a copy of this document here.  I found it online in the past, but cannot seem to relocate it.

 (Singer wasn't in there so one student drew it herself on the back cover)

10 Common Mistakes Parents Today Make

I came across this insightful article called "10 Common Mistakes Parents Today Make" written by Kari Kubiszyn Kampakis.  I think she does a nice job of explaining how children need a safe environment where they can be independent, test boundaries and learn how to deal with disappointments they may later face in life.  I've posted it below:

"When I became a mom, I got lots of advice on how to love my child. But not until a few years ago did someone actually point out that loving a child means wanting what's best for them long-term.

When my four daughters were young, long-term didn't resonate with me. Back then it was about survival, meeting daily needs and keeping my head above water.
Now that my kids are maturing, however, the fog is lifting. I'm no longer a pledge of parenting, but rather an indoctrinated member. The perk of this stage is that my kids want to spend time with me. We have real conversations that reveal their beautiful personalities. With everyone sleeping through the night, I'm sleeping better, too. I can think coherently and be more intentional in how I raise them.
These days, I put more thought into long-term. I think about the kind of adults I hope my children will be and work backward to ask, "What can I do today to foster that?" Being mindful of their future has changed my parenting paradigm, because what makes my children happy at age 10 or 15 is somewhat different from what will make them happy at age 25, 30, 40 and beyond.

A while back I came across some interesting articles and books that dig into what psychologists today are seeing: a rising number of 20-somethings who are depressed and don't know why. These young adults claim they had magical childhoods. Their parents are their best friends. They never experienced tragedy or anything more than normal disappointments. Yet for some reason, they're unhappy.
One reason given is that parents today are too quick to swoop in. We don't want our children to fall, so instead of letting them experience adversity, we clear the path. We remove obstacles to make their life easy. But adversity is a part of life, and only by facing it can our children build life-coping skills they'll need down the road. So while it seems like we're doing them a favor, we're really stunting their growth. We're putting short-term payoffs over long-term well-being.

One article mentions incoming college freshmen known to deans as "teacups" for their fragility in the face of minor problems. The question posed was this: "Could it be that by protecting our kids from unhappiness as children, we're depriving them of happiness as adults?"
Here's psychiatrist Paul Bohn's response, as paraphrased in the piece:

[M]any parents will do anything to avoid having their kids experience even mild discomfort, anxiety, or disappointment -- "anything less than pleasant," as he puts it -- with the result that when, as adults, they experience the normal frustrations of life, they think something must be terribly wrong.

Why am I sharing this information? Because I think it's relevant in this age of helicopter parenting. While I find it great that today's parents are more invested in their children's lives than previous generations, our involvement can go overboard. What we may justify as "good parenting" can hurt our children later. Unless we're mindful of that, it's easy to handicap them by making their lives too easy.
As my favorite parenting philosophy goes: "Prepare your child for the road, not the road for your child."
With this said, I've outlined 10 common mistakes that parents today -- me included -- often make. My intention isn't to point fingers, but to raise awareness. What may be ingrained in our culture is not always in the best interest of our kids.

Mistake #10: Worshipping our children. Many of us live in child-centered communities. 
We're raising our kids in child-centered homes. Our children love this, of course, because our lives revolve around them. And for the most part we don't mind either, because their happiness is our happiness. It thrills us to do for them, buy for them, and shower them with love and attention.
But I think it's important to keep in mind that our children were made to be loved, not worshipped. So when we treat them like the center of the universe, we create a false idol, turning a good into an ultimate. Rather than kid-centered homes, we should strive for God-centered homes. Our children will still be loved, only in a better way, one that promotes selflessness over selfishness.

Mistake #9: Believing our children are perfect. One thing I often hear from professionals who work with children (counselors, teachers, etc.) is that parents today don't want to hear anything negative about their kids. When concerns are raised, even concerns voiced out of love, the knee-jerk reaction is often to attack the messenger.
The truth can hurt, but when we listen with an open heart and mind we stand to benefit. We can intervene early before a situation gets out of hand. It's easier to deal with a troubled child than repair a broken adult.
As a Children's of Alabama psychiatrist recently told me when I interviewed her on teenage depression, early intervention is key because it can change the trajectory for the child's life. She said that's why she enjoys child and adolescent psychiatry -- because kids are resilient, and it's a lot easier to intervene effectively when they're young instead of years later, when the problem has gone on so long it's become incorporated into part of their identity.

Mistake #8: Living vicariously through our children. We parents take great pride in our children. When they succeed, it makes us happier than if we'd done it ourselves.
But if we're overly involved and invested in their lives, it gets hard to see where they end and we begin. When our children become extensions of us, we may see them as our second chance. Suddenly it's not about them, it's about us. This is where their happiness starts getting confused with our happiness.

Mistake #7: Wanting to be our child's BFF. When I asked a priest to name the biggest mistake he sees in parenting, he thought for a moment and then said, "Parents not being parents. Not stepping up to the plate to do hard things."
Like everyone, I want my children to love me. I want them to sing my praises and appreciate me. But if I'm doing my job right, they'll get mad and not like me sometimes. They'll roll their eyes, moan and groan, and wish they'd been born into another family.
Seeking to be our child's BFF can only lead to permissiveness and choices made out of desperation because we fear losing their approval. That's not love on our end; that's need.

Mistake #6: Engaging in competitive parenting. Every parent has a competitive streak. All it takes to stir this monster in us is another parent giving his or her child a leg up at our child's expense.
I hear these stories a lot at the junior high and high school levels, stories of broken friendships and betrayals due to one family blindsiding another family. In my opinion, the root is fear. We fear our children will get left behind. We fear that if we don't jump into the craziness, and pull out every stop to help them excel early, they'll be stuck in mediocrity the rest of their life.
I believe children need to work hard and understand that dreams don't come on a silver platter; they have to sweat and fight for them. But when we instill a "win at all costs" attitude, permitting them to throw anyone under the bus to get ahead, we lose sight of character.
Character may not seem important in adolescence, but in adulthood it's everything.

Mistake #5: Missing the wonder of childhood. The other day I found a Strawberry Shortcake sticker on my kitchen sink. It reminded me how blessed I am to share my home with little people.
One day there won't be stickers on my sink. There won't be Barbies in my bathtub, baby dolls on my bed or Mary Poppins in the DVD player. My windows will be clear of sticky handprints, and my home will be quiet because my daughters will be hanging out with friends instead of nesting at home with me.
Raising small children can be hard, monotonous work. At times it's so physically and emotionally exhausting we wish they were older to make our life easier. We're also kind of curious who they'll grow up to be. What will be their passion? Will their God-given gifts be clear? As parents we hope so, for knowing which strengths to nurture enables us to point them in the right direction.
But as we project into the future, wondering if our child's knack for art will make them a Picasso, or if their melodic voice will create a Taylor Swift, we may forget to soak up the splendor in front of us: toddlers in footed pajamas, bedtime stories, tummy tickles and elated squeals. We may forget to let our children be little and enjoy the one childhood they're given.
The pressures on kids start way too early. If we really want our kids to have a leg up, we need to protect them from these pressures. We need to let them have fun and grow at their own pace so 1) they can explore their interests without fear of failure and 2) they don't get burned out.
Childhood is a time for free play and discovery. When we rush children through it, we rob them of an innocent age they'll never pass through again.

Mistake #4: Raising the child we want, not the child we have. As parents we harbor dreams for our children. They start when we get pregnant, before the gender's even known. Secretly we hope they'll be like us, only smarter and more talented. We want to be their mentors, putting our life experiences to good use.
But the irony of parenting is that children turn our molds upside down. They come out wired in ways we never anticipated. Our job is to figure out their inherent, God-ordained bent and train them in that direction. Forcing our dreams on them won't work. Only when we see them for who they are can we impact their life powerfully.

Mistake #3: Forgetting our actions speak louder than words. Sometimes when my kids ask a question, they'll say, "Please answer in one sentence." They know me well, for I'm always trying to squeeze life lessons into teachable moments. I want to fill them with wisdom, but what I forget is how my example overshadows my words.
How I handle rejection and adversity... how I treat friends and strangers... whether I nag or build up their father... they notice these things. And the way I respond gives them permission to act the same.
If I want my children to be wonderful, I need to aim for wonderful, too. I need to be the person I hope they'll be.

Mistake #2: Judging other parents -- and their kids. No matter how much we disagree with someone's parenting style, it's not our place to judge. Nobody in this world is "all good" or "all bad"; we're all a mix of both, a community of sinners struggling with different demons.
Personally, I tend to cut other parents more slack when I'm going through hard spells. When my child is testing me, I'm compassionate to parents in the same boat. When my life is overwhelming, I'm forgiving of others who slip up and let things fall through the cracks.
We never know what someone's going through or when we'll need mercy ourselves. And while we can't control judgmental thoughts, we can cut them short by seeking to understand the person instead of jumping to conclusions.

Mistake #1: Underestimating CHARACTER. If there's one thing I hope to get right in my children, it's their CORE. Character, moral fiber, an inner compass... these things lay the foundation for a happy, healthy future. They matter more than any report card or trophy ever will.
None of us can force character on our kids, and at age 10 or 15 character won't mean much. Children care about short-term gratification, but we, as parents, know better. We know that what will matter at 25, 30 and 40 is not how far they once threw the football, or whether they made cheerleader, but how they treat others and what they think of themselves. If we want them to build character, confidence, strength and resilience, we need to let them face adversity and experience the pride that follows when they come out stronger on the other side.

It's hard to see our children fall, but sometimes we have to. Sometimes we have to ask ourselves whether intervening is in their best interest. There are a million ways to love a child, but in our quest to make them happy, let us stay mindful that sometimes it takes short-term pain to earn long-term gain."

Developing Healthy Self-Esteem

Fellow school counselor, Kayla Marston, created this great visual of ways to help develop healthy self-esteem in your children:

The Dove Campaign for Real Beauty Videos

 

Imagine a World Where Beauty is a Source of Confidence, Not Anxiety

 

The Dove^® brand is rooted in listening to women. Based on the findings of a major global study, The Real Truth About Beauty: A Global Report, Dove^® launched the Campaign for Real Beauty in 2004. The campaign started a global conversation about the need for a wider definition of beauty after the study proved the hypothesis that the definition of beauty had become limiting and unattainable. Among the study’s findings was the statistic that only 2% of women around the world would describe themselves as beautiful. Since 2004, Dove^® has employed various communications vehicles to challenge beauty stereotypes and invite women to join a discussion about beauty.  In 2010, Dove^® evolved the campaign and launched an unprecedented effort to make beauty a source of confidence, not anxiety, with the Dove^® Movement for Self-Esteem.

The following videos are from The Dove^® Campaign for Real Beauty.  I used them as a springboard to a discussion with my 6th grade girls about self-esteem and the way the media shapes the way we think about beauty.  Enjoy and be inspired. 

Weird: The Victim

I came across this great series of books written by Erin Frankel.  Each book takes on a different perspective of a bullying situation: the victim, the bully, the bystander.  This week in fourth grade we read Weird! which is the story of a victim.

As we read through the story, students saw that every time Luisa was teased she changed herself.  Little by little all of these small changes added up to being someone she was not, as well as giving Sam (the bully) power over her.  After a talk with her mom she decided she had to make a change for the positive.  She stopped listening to Sam's taunting and gained the power back as well as her true self.

I asked students to think about characteristics of themselves that others might find weird.  For example, I don't drink coffee.  Although many friends and co-workers think this is weird, it's something that makes me unique, makes me myself.  I happen to enjoy tea instead.  Students were asked to come up with examples of words, phrases, activities, and characteristics that are unique and special to their personality.  Then we created these beautiful star-burst pictures using watercolor to share with others our true selves.

Paws in Jobland

Paws in Jobland is an interactive website that allows children to explore careers and find a match based on their interests.  Our second and third graders loved exploring this website and discovering new careers.  Students can learn more about different careers grouped by genre.  They can answer questions about their strengths and interests to find a career fit.  They can search through an alphabetical listing of possible careers, and even play a game that tests their knowledge of different careers.

As students were exploring the website, I asked them to focus on one career that they might be interested in and fill out a reflection sheet.  It was interesting to see what they each picked...

We Are Girls Summer Series

Summer is just around the corner and GENaustin has a cool opportunity for girls!  GENaustin’s We Are Girls Summer Series is a two-day workshop series that provides girls with a friendly space to learn tools and strategies to thrive in the upcoming school year. We Are Girls Summer Series is open to girls entering  5th and 6th grades. 

We Are Girls Summer Series:

Session One- July 16 & 17, 2013  from 9:30 AM to 2:00 PM

OR

Session Two- July 31 & August 1, 2013 from 9:30 AM to 2:00 PM

Location: Mitte Carriage House, 1008 West Ave,  Austin, TX 78701

Cost: $80 per two-day session (includes lunch)

What girls can expect:

Day 1-Girl Talk

Girls will dive into activities and discussions surrounding the complex issues that they face everyday.  This session will focus on creating and maintaining better friendships, building confidence through effective communication and adopting a healthy body image.

Day 2-Looking Ahead

We will focus on thinking about the future and the transition to middle school. Girls will have an opportunity to ask questions and get real answers and advice from older girls about classes, friendships and all of the changes ahead! They will also learn about stress management and the importance of setting goals. All in an engaging and fun environment!

To register for either session, click here.

My First Resume

I stumbled upon a great resource, Career Activities Book, published by the Texas Workforce Commission.  There are a variety of activities to help students understand the concept of self-knowledge, the development of a basic understanding of interests, likes and dislikes and how to interact with others. The various activities are also designed to raise awareness of the relationship between work and learning, the awareness of how work relates to the needs and functions of society and the interrelationship of life roles. The elementary grades are a good time to introduce the importance of personal responsibility and good work habits and the benefits of educational achievement. 

 
In fourth and fifth grade we completed 2 self-inventories to learn about the "Work Environment" that would be a good fit for us and our current "Work Habits."

Then we used the information from these 2 inventories to create our first resume.  I showed students a copy of mine and how it "brags" about all of my accomplishments.  

 

Here are some student examples: