11 Ways to Conquer Separation
Anxiety in Children
Make Sure They Know What to Expect –
Prepare your child for what will happen so that there are no surprises. Read
books about school. Visit the playground. Talk to him about what it will be
like. Let him know that you won’t be staying with him and how the drop off
process goes.
Read Children’s Books – The Kissing
Hand is a classic book and can be wonderful for young kids going to school
for the first time. The Invisible String is also wonderful. It’s a great
way to teach the concept of being connected even when we are physically
separated. **The counselor has both of these books in the office, if a family
would like to borrow!
Sing a Goodbye Song or Have a Good Bye
Saying - Another way to deal with separation anxiety is to have a special
goodbye song or saying, after which the child knows they have to go. I like,
“Goodbye for Now, Hello Again Later!” Or, try
“The Kissing Hand” yourself – kiss
the palm of your child’s hand, and they will know your love is close by! They can kiss yours too in case you start to
miss them!
Wear A Special Bracelet or Carry a Special
Token– One thing that might help is if your child wears a bracelet for her
parents to remind her that they are thinking about her. Some kids like to carry
a token in their pocket, or a hankerchief sprayed with mom’s perfume. They may
also like to carry a picture. For some children, this is comforting.
Plan “3 Special Steps” – On the show
“Special Agent Oso”, James Bond-type friendly bear uses ‘three special steps’
to solve problems and do basic tasks, such as getting dressed or making a
salad. The 3 special steps is something you can use and adapt it for just about
any situation that causes anxiety. Talk about the situation before it happens,
and then give small tasks to focus on while it is happening. Step one: Get in
the car and drive to school. Step two: Walk in to class. Step three: Say ‘hello’ to teacher and start your day!
Check Your Emotions – Parents should
try to be as positive as possible during drop off, too. Kids definitely sense
parents’ anxiety and sadness, and this can make the transition into the
classroom even more difficult for the child.
Let Them Walk In – Act confident and be
joyful for your child! If you are hesitant of letting go kids WILL pick up on
that. Make sure they walk into school; when they are carried in it might send
the message that you are hesitant.
Don’t Go In the Classoom – It helps if parents don’t walk into the
classroom during the first few weeks of school. It helps delineate home from
school. It also really helps with separation for both parents and children and
makes the transition so much easier for the children. Yes, there are tears
sometimes, but not nearly as often when parents walk into the classroom the
first week or so of school. Likewise, it may be easier to have the child get on
the bus.
Don’t Linger – Before departing from
the door, give a quick kiss or hug, maybe a silly song or funny handshake to
say goodbye, but don’t linger. And if your child is crying, know that 99% of
the time kids are feeling better and actively engaged in the classroom within
moments.
Give Praise – Rewards! Try a “No Cry
Goodbye” Punch Card or Sticker Chart for your child and reward them! Not only do things like ice cream or a
special toy work for making it to the car without tears, to the classroom without
tears and through the day/week, but VERBAL rewards. Silly celebrations and top
of your lungs ‘YOU DID IT’s’
Try A Transition Activity - In
situations where all other tricks and tips have been tried, work with the
teacher or counselor so that your child has a task/job/privilege to complete
immediately upon getting to school. That becomes the transition activity and
something to look forward to in focusing on rather than dreading the
separation.
